And, see, all I needed was some buttermilk.
That's how it always starts, isn't it?
You think to yourself, in your feverish delirium, "oh, I just need this commonly available grocery staple," and the next thing you know you're standing there, slack-jawed, in front of your grocer's dairy case, suddenly catapulted into nearly-full-blown catatonia upon the realization that human civilization is composed of humans, and that despite being a part of that noble group, you are somehow, fundamentally, standing on the outside looking in -- both literally and metaphorically -- in that you are able to see both of the worlds: the world that clearly should be, and the world that actually is.
Yes, that's all one sentence, but it is a MAGNIFICENT sentence, and I'm all recovering from feverish delirium over here, so I'm just going to leave it right there for you to enjoy in perpetuity, skippy.
So, here's what happened:
At some point, in the distant past, some... rube, let's say, noticed that buttermilk sales were slow, and, filled with ignorance and probably some alleged "science", decided that the best thing, the RIGHT thing, the ONLY thing to do would be to introduce -- I swear I am not making this up -- LOWFAT BUTTERMILK.
I KNOW! RIGHT??
Chuckle, gentle reader, at such nonsense. I did. I envy your cozy world. Your sane world, where, sure, people make pointless things like "lowfat buttermilk", but you don't care. You're free to simply ignore them.
And you can probably buy real, you know, actual, full-fat, deliciously FATTY AND AWESOME BUTTERMILK IN YOUR GROCERY STORE, CAN'T YOU? CAN'T YOU?!? OH, IT'S SOOOOO MUCH EASIER WHEN YOU HAVE OPTIONS, ISN'T IT???
I, however, live in a world where your only choice is... lowfat buttermilk.
I couldn't believe it.
I still can't believe it.
Lowfat buttermilk is like... black and white rainbows. Feverish delirium be damned, that is a PERFECT analogy!! Pointless. Lacking. Beautiless. (Okay, hang on, if "beautiful" is a word, then "beautiless" is its opposite, right?)
Anyway, I purchased the filthy imposter, and set about making my comfort food. It's also unbelievably easy, which is why I make it when I'm sick.
- Throw a handful of chicken drumsticks into a plastic (or ceramic) bowl.
- Cover with FULL FATTED BUTTERMILK, or whatever nonsense they sell in its stead at your local grocer. *sigh*
- Toss in salt, pepper, paprika, oregano, dill, and any other spices that you might love. Ooh! Ooh! Garlic powder!
- Let it sit on your counter for an hour. This is not actually you doing anything, just let it sit there.
- Seriously, stop fussing with it. Go read a good blog, or something.
- Put it in the oven at 350 degrees for 45-60 minutes, until they are golden brown and delicious.
Now, let me caution you, gentle reader, that if, for some.... absurd reason, you find yourself using lowfat buttermilk, that it won't get the color right, and it won't get the taste right, and it won't be delicious, when you need it to be delicious, because you're sick and tired and just want some delicious buttermilk baked chicken.
On the other hand, I really enjoyed my salad, because I was able to make homemade ranch dressing with the leftover buttermilk. MMmmmm....
Oh, and I also finally got my moving boxes moved out to the refuse room, and, you know, puttered around trying not to die all day, and so my apartment is... shockingly clean.
I'll post up pics soon. Loves to you all. I'm on the mend, and will be safely back at work on the morrow.
And if you know where to buy non-lowfat buttermilk in Sacramento, for the love of pete leave a frickin' comment.
And tomorrow: ADVEN-
Hang on: no, that would mean that "handful" is the opposite of "handless", and that's just, you know, completely wrong....
Well, I think we've all learned something.