Jim: Hello, BB&B! Nice to meet you. My, you have some lovely things for sale, but I just need--
BB&B: You need a new chef's knife.
Jim: --a plunger. Wait, what?
BB&B: Honestly, that old Wusthof has served you loyally for years, but the old guy's got some miles on him, doesn't he?
Jim: Yes, but I--
BB&B: I mean, he's nicked and dull, and I think we both know that it's time for a new model.
Jim: Well, that's a good... No! NO! I just need a--
BB&B: You need another of those wonderful memory foam bath mats.
Jim: --plunger. What was that?
BB&B: I know you love the one you have. You step out of the shower, onto a little piece of fluffy heaven, and who doesn't want that? But, obviously, you need another one, for the spot in front of the sink, to further nuzzle your little feetsies first thing in the morning while you're brushing your teeth, etc. I honestly don't think you can live without another one.
Jim: That's an intriguing... No! I just need a plunger!
BB&B: *sigh* Fine. Here's a cheap plunger, but here's a slightly nicer plunger, and here's a REALLY nice plunger. Look at the workmanship on that thing! Worth every penny!! You'd be a fool to buy a cheap "plunger" -- a plunger that would cause you to hang your head in shame should your houseguests catch sight of it, pitying looks when their eyes meet yours -- when you could instead go home, head held high, and say to the world, "I have a proper PLUNGER!! IN ALL CAPS, ALL THE TIME!!"
Jim: I... okay, fine. I'll just be on my way, then.
BB&B: You also need a toilet brush.
Jim: No, I... Wait, that's actually a good point. Okay, plunger and toilet brush, and I'm off. Thanks, and you have a great--
BB&B: And don't forget that you had to throw out that old flatware tray; you really can't keep your flatware in a mixing bowl on the counter, now can you? I mean, honestly.
Jim: You... you really are quite helpful, you know that? I do need a new flatware tray. Okay, so, plunger, toilet brush, and flatware tray. I really should be going, my friends and family will probably be worrying--
BB&B: And a paper towel holder.
Jim: ...okay, fine.
BB&B: Do you need a shopping cart?*
Jim: Please just let me leave.
BB&B: ...You'll be back.
And, damn my eyes, I will.
I DO actually need a new chef's knife...
I spent the remainder of my day further organizing my recently arrived stuff, and then (huzzah!) R came over and we cooked in my kitchen, properly. Simple dinner: hamburgers, oven-roasted potatoes, filling and delicious, and then I showed him what a Death Knight is.
It was a great day, though BB&B ended up with significantly more of my hard-earned wages than I intended, I DID actually need everything I walked out with.
Yes, I DID need a paper towel holder. Yes, I did. Yes. I. DID.
I couldn't very well carry on just setting it on the counter, now, could I? What sort of barbarian do you take me for? I suppose I should just pee in the sink, as well? I'm sorry, do I look French or something?
I hope you all enjoyed your Saturday, and I hope that your tomorrow brings ADVENTURE!!
*NOTE: this actually happened at that point: a nice employee, seeing the pile of stuff I was struggling to carry, approached me helpfully, and asked me if I needed a cart... and I ran screaming from him, and joined the nearest checkout line in a manner that was the opposite of nonchalant. It was completely chalant. His look was one of overt sympathy, and that look said, "Oh, you poor, simple man..."